the wrap up.
“As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord is thinking about me right now”
psalm 40: 17
So I’ve officially finished my first year of college. It’s incredibly surreal with a touch of sadness that is equaled by a tinge of relief. So much has happened this year, and so much has changed. It is all a bit overwhelming to think about for any sort of extended period of time.
It’s interesting to think what I will most remember about this renown first year of college life. I will always remember the fun times and the great friends, but it was the struggle that will forever live vividly in my mind. It will be the brokenness that I have never felt before. It will be the humbling few months that I spent realizing my life was outside of my grip. It has all been maddening really, to stand in front of what you see is crippling you, your own flawed humanity and that of others, but your hands are by side, your palms lying pathetically open. Utterly defenseless. It was paralyzing to my emotions, my reason, my love, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I found myself here this year with my relationships, with God, with my feelings. Knowing I had done wrong, and being toppled over in a wave of regret, guilt, and feelings of self-deprecation. Struggling to the point of falling so far I would loose all I thought I knew. Yet at the same time, when I needed it most, being denied the grace and compassion of Christ by many of my “close friends.” Humbling experience? It was the definition of the word.
I’ve seen highs and lows this year that I could never have imagined. And since this seems a bit depressing, let me say at least this. I have met people over this past year who have loved me despite all this crap. Despite my highs and lows. Despite my guilt and hurt. I cannot get my head around that. That is grace. That is agape. And although this past semester was trying, I would never consider it a loss, simply because of those relationships. Never. I saw Christ this semester in the hearts of the few who stood by me. It was the most magnificent picture.
psalm 40: 17
So I’ve officially finished my first year of college. It’s incredibly surreal with a touch of sadness that is equaled by a tinge of relief. So much has happened this year, and so much has changed. It is all a bit overwhelming to think about for any sort of extended period of time.
It’s interesting to think what I will most remember about this renown first year of college life. I will always remember the fun times and the great friends, but it was the struggle that will forever live vividly in my mind. It will be the brokenness that I have never felt before. It will be the humbling few months that I spent realizing my life was outside of my grip. It has all been maddening really, to stand in front of what you see is crippling you, your own flawed humanity and that of others, but your hands are by side, your palms lying pathetically open. Utterly defenseless. It was paralyzing to my emotions, my reason, my love, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I found myself here this year with my relationships, with God, with my feelings. Knowing I had done wrong, and being toppled over in a wave of regret, guilt, and feelings of self-deprecation. Struggling to the point of falling so far I would loose all I thought I knew. Yet at the same time, when I needed it most, being denied the grace and compassion of Christ by many of my “close friends.” Humbling experience? It was the definition of the word.
I’ve seen highs and lows this year that I could never have imagined. And since this seems a bit depressing, let me say at least this. I have met people over this past year who have loved me despite all this crap. Despite my highs and lows. Despite my guilt and hurt. I cannot get my head around that. That is grace. That is agape. And although this past semester was trying, I would never consider it a loss, simply because of those relationships. Never. I saw Christ this semester in the hearts of the few who stood by me. It was the most magnificent picture.
posted by becca at 1:43 PM
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