This Little Light of Mine....
“The light shines through the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it.” [john 1:5]
So of recently I have been coming to terms with the darkness within my own heart. It’s a scary, hurtful vision to behold, but its happening. It wasn’t a rash decision I made that led to it, or a choice made on a whim to let go of the only One who should command my all, but it was a slow decline. A long string of almost subconscious compromises. A long string that eventually twisted a web of dirt in my heart. And what did I do? I turned away, terribly afraid to face my own depraved humanity.
And now I have jumped in, I’ve come face to face with this “darkness.” But I know I have power over it. And that’s the thing, it doesn’t take much of anything on my part except recognizing it and humbly asking my Father to take hold of this decay inside me for healing to set in.
The other night I was doing just this while laying in my bed, waiting for sleep to come, praying for light amidst the darkness. And then, I kid you not, a light turned on in my blackened bedroom. It flickered for a moment then shone at its full brightness. Maybe some may have been scared from such an electrical miracle, but I found comfort in the way God was making His presence very blatant.
His light does cut through the night literally and spiritually. It sweeps clean the tangles of death that have built up inside me. And just as the light that poured forth from his mouth set our world into motion and created life on this mere earth, He creates breath anew in me. So not only is He suffocating the darkness, but creating new life.
I seriously don’t deserve that.
“ ‘ My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. ‘ “ [God, isaiah 55:8-9]
So of recently I have been coming to terms with the darkness within my own heart. It’s a scary, hurtful vision to behold, but its happening. It wasn’t a rash decision I made that led to it, or a choice made on a whim to let go of the only One who should command my all, but it was a slow decline. A long string of almost subconscious compromises. A long string that eventually twisted a web of dirt in my heart. And what did I do? I turned away, terribly afraid to face my own depraved humanity.
And now I have jumped in, I’ve come face to face with this “darkness.” But I know I have power over it. And that’s the thing, it doesn’t take much of anything on my part except recognizing it and humbly asking my Father to take hold of this decay inside me for healing to set in.
The other night I was doing just this while laying in my bed, waiting for sleep to come, praying for light amidst the darkness. And then, I kid you not, a light turned on in my blackened bedroom. It flickered for a moment then shone at its full brightness. Maybe some may have been scared from such an electrical miracle, but I found comfort in the way God was making His presence very blatant.
His light does cut through the night literally and spiritually. It sweeps clean the tangles of death that have built up inside me. And just as the light that poured forth from his mouth set our world into motion and created life on this mere earth, He creates breath anew in me. So not only is He suffocating the darkness, but creating new life.
I seriously don’t deserve that.
“ ‘ My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. ‘ “ [God, isaiah 55:8-9]
posted by becca at 2:37 PM
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