She's Running to Stand Still

Sometimes I think Sunday school can ruin the intended effects of stories from the Bible. It tricks you into thinking you know the whole story full-well, when the reality is but a distant abstraction. Daniel and the lion’s den for example, I mean he’s thrown into a pit of ravenous, flesh-eating lions, or Noah’s ark where hundreds of thousands of men, women, and children were drown in the fury of a flood. But growing up, I only saw the mouth’s peacefully closed and cute, furry, and a bit larger than normal, cats; and I saw a cool boat with fun animals and after some rain, a lovely rainbow.

All that to say, I think I not only underestimate the depths of human depravity, but the wonder and power encompassed by the hand of the Lord. I mean, whatever happened to the fear of the Lord? I listen to the song “Saeglopur” (by Sigur Ros, try this sometime) while reading Genesis One and I shudder, because for one moment I envision the majesty, dominion, and unhindered strength behind the one I call my creator and my lover. He reminds us in Isaiah
“ ‘To whom will you compare Me? Who is My equal?’ asks the Holy One…
‘Look up to the HEAVENS.’ “
Can you see it? The planets spinning, the universe expanding, the stars flickering endlessly, the sun’s burning rage flooding light to the darkest of corners. The image stirs fear that I am at His mercy, pride that I am allowed to serve Him, and awe in respect to His always surprising majesty.

And in a world where pride is a necessary aspect of life, and self-sufficiency a venerated quality, it is no mystery why my idea of “surrender,” or “humility,” or “death-to-myself” is a pathetic and almost comical representation compared to not only the standard of the Cross, but just what this magnificent Being deserves. So what does this God of Wonder do to remind us of our respective places? He breaks us. Again. And again. And Again.

“To be alive is to be broken…”

And at this breaking point, this point of stepping off the mountain you have built for yourself, and being washed away in a wave of humility, there is a choice that must be made. For the plunge into humility can take two paths for those who so aptly “fear the Lord,” and the effects of each will bear no resemblance to the other, for one will lead you straight into the arms of God, where the other will lead you into a briar patch of deceit, lies, and subversive attacks from the evil one. The point of distinction between the two, the defining choice that weighs cautiously in the balance, the bridge that takes you to the Lord or directly away, is our ability to not only fully comprehend the depths of the Lord’s grace, but our ability to enter wholeheartedly into it. It sounds easier said than done, for we are a prideful people, we are a sin-and-punishment people, we are a people who think that God will react as we do, we are a people that think that God will treat us as our human but Christian brethren treat us. But I tell you, His grace journeys far beyond anything even our imagination can fathom, His compassion sees no hurdles, no walls, no bounds. Not just as far as the east is from the west on earth, but in all of creation, in all of this vast, never-ending universe.

“…and to be broken, is to stand in need of grace.” [b manning]

Do we know that? Not just with our lips can we speak it, or in our minds think it, but feel our entire selves, from our fingers, to our head, to the inner most core of our soul, absorb its warmth as it washes over us. For without grace, humility is just self-deprecation.

This is what He means by humility. It is weakness. It is fear. It is strength. It is a radical kind of love. And for me it will be a never-ending journey. I know I will never accomplish it, but, well…
I’m STILL RUNNING.